Happy St. Pat's Fuckheads!

Okay folks, so it’s that time of year again; the end of black history month (time to forget about ‘dem black folks for another year), three or four President’s days, March Madness and St. Patrick’s Day. The weather’s usually shitty in all of the parts of the country I’ve lived in (40 one day, 75 the next), college basketball teams you’d loved or more realistically didn’t care about till the end of February are heading to the play offs and we get to celebrate the one holiday in the US that is strictly reserved for the Americans of Irish descent. Unfortunately I’m pissed about what this traditionally religious holiday has become (or more to the point what it’s always been in the short twenty three years since my birth). For that shining day of March Seventeenth, or whatever day the parades and festivities fall in you fine city it’s acceptable for the entirety of the population to act in the most vile, disrespectful, irresponsible manner; actions that would normally be relegated to derelicts and vagrants, all under the guise of “being Irish for a day”. Now I’m willing to admit that (like all races and cultures) there are certain habits or derelictions afflicting the Irish that aren’t always of the most savory nature, I myself have even fallen victim to the (seemingly) age old curse of alcoholic tendencies, I wouldn’t necessarily say it’s a cultural or genealogical affliction, more so a matter of breeding (I hate to use that term) or genetic makeup as much as a matter consequence or circumstance. Unfortunately this whole accepted process makes me sick. Now, I’m not trying to say that the Irish have had it the worst out of any political minority (or due to the potato famines of the eighteenth century, majority) as with the Blacks (sorry, Afro-Americans, due to slavery) in this country with the token Black History Month (actually I just found out that our Commander in Chief on 2/26/07 declared March, Irish-American Heritage Month [Yeah, we’ve got our own token month too now!]) that was haphazardly thrown together as an attempt to appease the already “unruly” masses. The Irish are now basically considered white people by the W.A.S.P. community (or White Anglo-Saxon Protestants, more accurately, the true ruling class in America) although begrudgingly so. We’ve even controlled entire cities (or still control in cites like in Chicago) due to sheer population and tenacity. What needs to be acknowledged on a national scale is the fact that the degradation of a formally religious holiday is a form of subjugation. Saint Patrick was a Roman slave in the fourth century who escaped; studied for twelve years and eventually left the monastery to drive the pagan (or religious tradition already thousands of years old) out of the Roman Province of Ireland. The entire farce about Saint Patrick (originally born Maewyn) “heroically” driving the snakes from Ireland is nothing more than a clever allegory for his success at converting pagan converts to Christianity. Scientist have long since determined that there were no snakes indigenous to Ireland. Now some of you may be thinking “Well of course it’s not a religious holiday, we live in America, the land free of religious persecution, it’s just a day where we’re all a little Irish” Well answer me this, Why is it that Christmas and Easter are consider National Holiday’s while no other religion has had it’s Holy days declared National days of rest (W.A.S.P.’s??) and that there’s only been one Irish-American (Sorry, I really hate terms like that, If we ended up Americans why do we need further classifications than that [W.A.S.P’s?]) President, who also happened to be the only Catholic President currently on record, who also happens to be the only President successfully assassinated in the twentieth century. God damn it Hinkley, why couldn't you have hit the shooting range once or twice. Now I’m not trying to force my own personal conspiracy theories upon you (I really don’t have the time to go into proper detail) but I’d like for everyone who’s read this far to take a moment and thank the Powers That Be for tying up the loose ends so neatly for us. So what does it really come down to; an official day where the whole country is encouraged to tie in some of the most vulgar, embarrassing activities of all of mankind (Sorry, being an asshole isn’t an Irish thing) to a specific cultural group. Now I’m not fresh off the boat or anything, I’m not even a hundred percent Irish (I’ve got a bit a few other things in me like the rest of you) but I still can’t help but be offended by this. Why is it that we should gleefully accept (albeit a more subversive form) of subjugation for the simple fact that it’s christened in honor of our heritage? I know it’s a tad detrimental to the cause but I can’t really say for sure that the next time I hear some drunk piece of shit tell me “If you’ve ever drank too much and thrown up on yourself, or left a bar not knowing where your car was parked or woke up next to a girl you didn’t know then you’ve got a little Irish in you.” that I will be able to restrain myself from hauling off and breaking their nose (it’s not an Irish thing, it’s an anger management thing).
One of the main things that gets me is people’s refusal to acknowledge even the slightest truth in any of the things that I’m saying. For example I got a bit drunk last night (I’m writing this at around five in the AM on Sunday March 18th), not because it was St. Patrick’s Day, but because I’d spent about nine hours in my house staring at this monitor; working. I ran into this cat at the gas station, also drunk (although probably for different reasons), asking me if I’d been “enjoying my St. Paddy’s Day”. I puffed at a bit at him in disgust and he assumed (correctly) that I had some Irish in me. After I told him I wasn’t a fan of St. Patrick’s Day he looked at me like a Labrador trying to learn Braille. So I started to explain it to him, I even warned him before I started that I was going to be about as offensive as possible because I really wanted to drive the point home. After a drunken squinting of eyes he motioned for me to proceed and I took a breath and started in with my rant. I asked him how he would feel if there was only one day that the Blacks (Sorry again, African-Americans) could call their holiday. This day was National Nigger Day (mainly because he was Black, I could easily adjust this slur for any ethnicity), and all the major black religious leaders (theological divisions aside), civic leaders, politicians and business owners united in support of National Nigger Day, touting “ Come on everyone, lets celebrate. Let's all act as ignorant, ghetto and generally “Niggardly” as possible. Today’s our day.” Everyone you see telling you it’s okay, “Do what you feel, everyone’s got a little Nigger in them today.” I wanted to know if that was really the way he wanted his particular sub-division of people acknowledged. Did he really want everyone to celebrate the worst aspects (of not only his race) but all races, and tie it to his people?
Unfortunately I was barely to finish my sentence before he became indignant and aggressive. Realistically I can’t blame him. I can see how easy it would be to see what I was saying as just some drunk white-boy trying to throw Nigger around a few times under the guise of some deeper meaning. It was an immediate struggle to avoid a confrontation, my girlfriend would’ve been proud (not for the Nigger part of it, but my attempts to avoid violence) that was narrowly avoided by his girlfriend ordering him into the car. Obviously this wasn’t my desired effect, I was hoping that maybe he’d get past the fact that some cracker just dropped nigger four times in a sentence and listen for a second. I was merely hoping that something that personally offensive might make him internalize the situation a little, or at least give it a few thoughts for a moment. Maybe I’ll have better luck next time. The main thing I was getting at is that no one, race or ethnicity aside, should be proud of the base, shameful actions or activities that are so easily attributed and associated with the whole of the Irish people mid March. By accepting and allowing practices such as this we, as a whole are merely tightening the shackles on the ankles of our feet that are slowly marching towards equality and unity (erase the Irish part of it if it makes you feel better and superimpose the ethnicity or racial slur that would be the most offensive to you) on a global scale.
At this point I’d like to revoke any previous apologies to anyone offended by any of the slurs, implied or blatant that may have offended readers. Words have always had the power to explode like bombs; igniting riots and hatred for millennia on end and unless the people take these words back from the powers that be, sterilizing their inherent hatred we will forever be subjected to the explosive and foul nature of the ignorance that originally sired them.